


Dismantle. Repair

by stormpilot_trash224



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Abuse, Finn x Poe - Freeform, M/M, NSFW, Poe x Finn - Freeform, Slight PTSD mention, Smut in this one, Someone save poor Poe, Stormpilot, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 10:21:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6419923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormpilot_trash224/pseuds/stormpilot_trash224
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My first fic in a long long time. I apologize for any errors, I didn't have any beta readers. You can follow me on tumblr at http://www.makeyoutuckyourtailbelowya.tumblr.com. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic in a long long time. I apologize for any errors, I didn't have any beta readers. You can follow me on tumblr at http://www.makeyoutuckyourtailbelowya.tumblr.com. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy it!

I woke up with his arm wrapped tightly around my waist, his chest flush with my back, his nose buried into the back of my neck. His slow, deep breaths were warm against my skin and lightly tickled the short hairs leading up to my hairline. The ray of morning sunlight that poured in through the gap in the window shade projected itself on to the lumps and bumps of our entwined figures underneath the blankets.

As much as it seemed like a perfect morning, the sickening feeling of fear that boiled in the pit of my stomach proved that to be wrong. Poe was going on his first mission since Starkiller Base today. 

And it was a solo mission. 

General Organa had tried to reassure me over and over that it was a harmless exploratory mission, that the new Star Destroyer that suddenly appeared on the Resistance's radar was too new to be a threat, it just needed to be looked at to know. I pleaded with her (privately, of course) to let me accompany Poe on his mission, that I could be helpful from my previous affiliation with the First Order, but she had turned me down every time. She told me it was too early for me to go on missions, the trauma I endured was too fresh, that she was only trying to help me. I told her all I was trying to do was help Poe.

Gently, I lifted up Poe's arm so I could roll over and face him. He stirred slightly, his arm recoiling to his body, a soft moan escaping his barely parted lips. Once facing him, I pressed a kiss to his forehead, his tan skin almost the same color as the sweet condiment he introduced me to last week when we ate dessert in the mess hall (caramel, if I'm remembering correctly). If I had to be honest, I'd say his skin tasted sweeter.

I let my fingers carefully rake through his dark, messy curls. A quiet moan left his lips again, and this time, his long, thick eyelashes fluttered, and then his warm brown eyes were looking right into mine. I watched his face as it started as a blank, sleepy expression, but then a lively smile curled on his lips, his eyes sparkling.

"G'morning," he mumbled as he stretched, his body trembling, trying to shake the sleep out of his muscles. His bold jaw was sprinkled with stubble, and it scratched against his pillow case as he shifted his head up kiss me. I hummed against his lips and kissed him back. I couldn't help but smile into the kiss.

"Good morning," I said to him when we separated. "How did you sleep last night?"

He shrugged and closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into my body. "Alright, I guess." His big brown eyes opened again and he looked at me, an innocent smile growing on his face. "What about you?"

I tried to hide the smile that curled my own lips. "I slept....good." I stifled a giggle, knowing I had said too much already. "No nightmares for me, thankfully." Poe knew that if I wasn't having night terrors, I was having dreams about us together.

"Oh yeah?" He asked, his nose brushing against my chin, and I felt his breath on my neck. "What did you dream about, then?" 

I giggled again, teeth digging into my bottom lip as I replayed the blissful images of last nights dream in my head. Poe, undressing himself for me. Poe, pushing me down onto his bed. Poe, straddling my hips, grinding himself into me....

"Mmmm, may have dreamt about you," I teased, my fingertip slowly running from the top of his head down the side of his face. 

"What was I doing in this dream of yours?" He asked, his voice suddenly low and husky. "Maybe we can make that dream a reality." He pressed his lips into mine, tongue sliding over my bottom lip, and I let my tongue meet his. He moaned into the kiss, his body following my hands as they grabbed at his hips and pulled him up to straddle my waist.

"You were on top of me," I said when I broke away from the kiss, "you touched me, all over." His hands immediately found my chest, the rough skin of his palms running over my nipples, down the wavy ridges of my rib cage, the tight muscles of my abdomen, and then to my hips, where he grabbed tightly. My breath became labored, goosebumps erupting over my dark skin. His touch was electrifying.

"Okay, what else?" He whispered, his thumbs rubbing circles over my hip bones, fingertips running along the waistband of my sleep bottoms.

"You took your clothes off," before I could even finish the sentence he was pulling the white tank he slept in over his head, exposing his beautiful, toned body to me. I marveled at him, the sun that leaked in from the window making his gorgeous tan skin glow like gold. Then he rolled off of me for a moment, standing to the side of the bed, his hands grabbing the briefs on his hips and pushing them down. His cock spring free, hard and heavy, bobbing slightly as he stepped out of his briefs, leaving them on the floor. He then climbed back in bed, crawling over me and straddling my hips again. 

"Tell me what I did next." It was a simple command, but his voice was drenched in lust, husky and hoarse. It sent shivers through my whole body, my own hard cock twitching in my shorts. 

"You fucked me." I breathlessly groaned the words, pushing my hips up into his, feeling his cock rub against mine. He whined and grabbed at my shorts, quickly pulling them down, and I kicked them off the side of the bed. I hurriedly reached for the nightstand and opened the top drawer, grabbed the bottle of lubricating gel, tossing it at his chest. He caught it and wasted no time opening it and squirting some into his hand. He rubbed his hands together, spreading the smooth gel over his fingers on his left hand, and then he grabbed his cock and covered it in the gel, throwing his head back with a groan as he touched himself. I licked my lips as I gazed at him, beautiful and vulnerable, his mouth hung open slightly as he rubbed his hand up and down his shaft a few more times before finally looking back to me, our eyes locking. 

"Finn," he nearly choked, "how did I fuck you?" His words made my stomach turn with excitement, and I quickly pulled my legs out from under him and placed them on his shoulders, readying myself for him, ready to let him take every bit of me.

"H-hard," I whined. I heard him gasp and curse under his breath, his skin starting to glisten with sweat already. "Please, Poe," I begged, my hips bucking up, needing to feel him.

He bit his bottom lip and nodded, and suddenly I felt warm gel being spread over my opening, and then a finger pressing in, gradually gliding in deeper until it couldn't go any further. My breath hitched in my throat and I tossed my head into the mattress, eyes rolling back in my head. He pulled out the first finger, but then there were two, pushing them inside me, carefully stretching my opening. Slowly, he slid his two fingers in and out, scissoring them inside me as he went. I let a low moan leave my throat, my fingers twisting in the sheets.

"You ready?" He hissed, pulling his two fingers out and placing the tip of his cock against my opening. His hands grabbed onto my hips tightly, fingertips sinking into the soft tissue.

I bucked my hips up again, letting out a low groan. "Yes, Poe, please," I begged breathlessly, and then he pushed himself inside me, gradually going deeper until his hips were touching my backside. I tossed my head to the side, tugging my bottom lip between my teeth (which, I learned, was something he loved watching me do). "Mmmm, fuck," I moaned lavishly, feeling my heart beat faster in my chest, my body erupting in heat, sweat starting to form over my skin.

Poe brought his hips back, pulling himself out, but not fully, and then thrust swiftly back in, jabbing his cock right into my spot. I cried out, my stomach turning with the sudden pleasure. He continued, pulling out and thrusting right back in, finding a slow rhythm, his fingertips digging harder into my hips. 

His breath hitched in his throat and a strangled groan left his lips. "Did I fuck you this hard?" He panted, his right hand leaving my hip to wrap around and grab my hard, throbbing cock. I nearly melted at his touch, his hand gliding up and down my shaft, matching the rhythm of his thrusts.

A twisted smile curled up my lips. I knew I could make him lose his mind. "Oh, Poe," I whined, "you fucked me harder."

"Oh, fuck!" he cried out, bucking his hips up into me sharply, his cock ramming into me. His grip on my dick tightened and his hand moved faster. I could feel his hand shaking, and I knew he was close, as was I. His eyes closed tightly and he threw his head back in ecstasy.

"Yes, just like that," I breathed, reaching for his left hand that was still plastered to my hip, my fingers entwining with his. I let a drawn out whine escape from the back of my throat, my back arching, my hips bucking up as far as they could go, his sharp thrusts digging in at the deepest point. That feeling of pure euphoria started to burn through my entire body. 

"Did I fuck you better in your dream?" Poe growled, his fingers tightening around mine, pulling on my arm and bringing me up closer to him, our mouths mere inches apart. My body started to quake, straining to keep myself close to him, my abs burning.

"No, no, no," I cried, his fingers letting go of mine only to wrap his arm around my shoulders to keep me propped up, and he leaned closer, his lips just barely brushing against mine. I breathed in his hot, short breaths, my mouth gradually falling more open as I was just seconds away from unraveling for him.

"Tell me that no one can fuck you better," he purred, my eyes meeting his, the usually bright brown eyes now replaced by dark orbs, a sort of hunger lurking within them. His thrusts became sharper suddenly, his cock thrashing against my spot.

"N-no one-" I tried to follow his command, sputtering the words out in a moan. "F-fuck- Poe!!" I yelped, everything coming together to finally shove my body over the edge, convulsing as I came into his strong hand.

He kissed me then, hard, to muffle my shrieks, and he only gave a couple more thrusts before he moaned into my lips, "Finn, baby-", and completely unraveled himself, coming hard into me with a shudder. His arm around my shoulders slackened and I fell right back to the mattress, my chest heaving, letting out small whimpers with every exhale that left my lips. He continued to slowly stroke my cock as I let my legs fall down from his shoulders, but let go when he gently pulled himself out of me and crawled forward, laying down on top of me, head resting on my chest.  
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, holding him tightly. His back rose and fell just as heavily as my chest did, both of us trying to catch our breath. I brought a hand up to his head and stroked my fingers through his sweat-dampened curls. "Poe, I love you so much," I whispered, closing my eyes and letting my body relax into the bed. 

Poe brought his head up, resting his chin on my chest, looking at me. Those animalistic dark eyes from before were gone, and now his usual warm brown ones were back, glistening just as much as they usually did. "I love you too, Finn. So much." He smiled, showing his teeth, before putting his head back down, pressing a kiss into my chest.

"Hey, your mission today, could you-“

I was cut off by a loud banging on Poe's door, followed by a very angry sounding General Organa shouting "Boys, let's go, we have a mission to complete today!"

He picked his head up to look at me again, his eyes now sad and tired. "Promise me to come back safe, okay?" I finished in a whisper, raking my fingers through his curls. He crawled up my body and hovered over me, pressing his lips into mine for a soft, passionate kiss.

"I promise I will. It's nothing but just checking out this ship, I'll be fine. Okay?" He said after he pulled away, gazing into my fearful eyes. Something told me he understood why I was so worried, and that he was just as worried, too.

***

Poe and I hadn’t looked at each other since we left his quarters that morning. While we made our way to the General’s briefing room, various friends of Poe’s had whistled at us, told us we needed to keep it down, quite a few had called us ‘space gays’, and any other kind of embarrassing way to tell us they heard what we did. And judging from the way General Organa had sounded this morning when she banged her fist on Poe’s door, she probably heard, too. My face had been hot ever since, and I made sure to not make eye contact with anyone we passed on the way to the briefing room.

When we entered, General Organa had been sitting at the end of the long table. Her head turned towards the door when it clicked open, and she stood immediately, hands folded in front of her. I continued to look down at the floor, or over at the wall, to avoid meeting her eyes, fearful of her hard gaze. I had a lot to thank General Organa for; how she welcomed me so warmly after I woke up, accepted me into the ranks of the Resistance even with knowing my background, not judging Poe and I for being together. I sometimes thought of her as a motherly figure, something I had never really known, but felt when I was around her, her eyes watching me with a sort of care. And, much like a mother, I feared her anger and her disappointment, afraid to let her down. She was always one to encourage love and romance, but probably not on the morning of Poe’s important mission, and certainly not when him and I were careless enough to let half the base hear. Poe and I sat where she once did at the end of the table, and I looked at him for the first time since morning when his knee grazed against mine underneath the table.

“The objective is clear, Dameron,” General Organa spoke sternly as she paced in front of Poe and I, after saying her ‘good morning’s and briefly explaining, more so to me than Poe, the plan for the day. “All I'm asking you to do is take a look at this ship, try to see if there's any activity to and from, and if there is, record where its headed.”

“And if there is activity, and he's spotted-” I tried to speak up, gazing intently at General Organa's face, but Poe cut off my words, speaking louder.

“I won't get spotted, it's not a problem.” Poe turned his head and looked at me, intense eyes scanning over my face. He was already in his flight suit, baggy orange pants stained with grease, same with the orange jacket he wore on top. The white vest that was over the jacket looked worn and old, and it was clear this wasn't Poe's first flight. He was the best pilot in the Resistance, I witnessed first hand his talents in the cockpit of an x-wing, but no matter how many times I tried to reassure myself that he would be fine, that swirling fear continued to eat at the bottom of my stomach.

“Finn, I'm going to let you sit in the conference room with us, so you two can communicate over the radio transmissions. With your previous affiliation with the First Order, you could prove to be quite helpful, if the opportunity arises.” General’s eyes locked with mine, and I saw a hint of warmth in her fierce eyes, that she understood how worried I was and knew that if I could at least talk to him, it would make me feel a lot better about the mission. I looked to Poe and nodded, and he nodded back, a small smile coming across his lips.

“That would be good, I think,” I said, looking between the both of them. “Let's hope you don't need any of my help, though.”

***

Before I knew it, I was walking out into the hangar with him, watching him as he climbed up into his ship, turning to me before he hopped in. “Don't worry about me, please?” he asked with a smile, “I promise you I'll be fine. I'll be back before you know it.” The fear in my stomach was unbearable now, and I could barely look at him, my mouth twitching in uncertainty. Poe sighed and climbed back down, pulling me into a tight embrace, his lips brushing against my ear. “Everything will be okay,” he whispered, chills erupting through my body. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, hands balling into fists in the back of his flight suit.

“I love you,” I mumbled, fighting back tears. “Be careful, please.”

“You know I will. And I love you, too, Finn.” He pulled away only to crash his lips into mine for a fierce kiss, his lips hot against mine. I whined softly into the kiss, pushing my body into his, but both of us broke apart quickly when someone across the hangar whistled at us, and someone else whooped and yelled out, “YEAH POE, GET IT!”

Poe's face turned bright red, whipping his head around to glare at Snap and Jessika who were standing by their respective x-wing's, watching us, cheering and throwing their hands in the air. “Pretty sure everyone at least three halls down heard you two this morning!” Snap called out, rocking his hips and causing Jess to double over in laughter, arms wrapped around her stomach. I felt my face get hot and I turned away from them, frowning. Their taunting wasn’t making me feel any better.

“Yeah, well at least I got some!” Poe yelled back, turning his back on them and grabbing me from behind, giving me one last hug. “Don't let them get to you, they mean well,” he muttered in my ear, planting a small kiss on the back of my neck. He let go and then ascended up the ladder to his ship, climbing into the cockpit, turning to look at me before he started the ship up. “I love you”, he mouthed at me, his eyes gazing at me determinedly. I nodded and stumbled back, the engines roaring to life on the x-wing, the head of BB-8 whirring around behind Poe as the top of the cockpit came down and closed around him. I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders, pulling me back, and I turned my head to see Jess, a soft smile on her face. I walked back with her, and we both watched as the x-wing rolled its way out of the hangar and down the runway, and then it shot up into the sky, a huge gust of air blowing through the hangar. I kept my eyes on Poe's ship until I couldn't see it in the bright blue sky anymore.

“Hey, Finn,” Jess said quietly, nudging my arm. “Don't take offense to anything Snap and I said, okay?” she continued when I turned around to look at her. “We just like messing with Poe, is all.” She smiled and grabbed my arm, pulling me through the hangar and back towards the base.

I frowned at her. “It’s just embarrassing, knowing that everyone knows and heard all of…that.”

She stopped and turned around, facing me. “Finn, all of us have known you’ve been going at it for months, now,” she said, grinning. My eyes widened. Had we been that loud this whole time? I suddenly felt sick, turning my head away from her, looking at the open hangar door and wishing that Poe’s ship would come back and save me from all of this crippling fear and embarrassment. 

“Hey,” she said, grabbing my shoulders and turning me around to make me face her again. “Listen, I can tell you that most of the pilots here love it. We all know how much you two love each other, and honestly, you have no idea how awesome it is to see Poe come in here every day with a huge, stupid grin on his face.” I looked up to her, a small smile curling up my lips. I was never able to see him much while he was in the hangar with the other pilots, he was usually elbows deep in the belly of his x-wing, and singing loudly to the music they had in the background. I never knew that I could’ve made a difference in his demeanor, or that anyone else would’ve noticed. I knew I was significantly happier since Poe and I got together, and it was wonderful to know he was, too.

Jess grabbed my arm again, pulling on it, and I followed her as she walked. “Come on, let's get you back to General Organa. You've got a mission to listen in on.”

***

A holographic map of the ship and the system it was near was projected in the middle of the briefing table. I silently watched the ship, labeled as “First Order”. It looked almost identical to the other Star Destroyers they had built, like the one I had been living on for most of my life. I felt sick to my stomach, my mind going back to that place; I could almost smell the chemical cleanliness, hear the constant marching echoing down the hallways, taste the bland, flavorless substance they called food...

“Alright, everyone,” a familiar voice rang out, a bit static-y, my head whipping to the side to look at the speaker at the end of the table. “T-minus thirty seconds 'til I'm in position.” A sudden warm feeling invaded my chest. Hearing his voice brought me some sort of comfort, albeit a small one. General Organa's eyes fixed on me, a gentle gaze settled on my face as I stared intently at the little speaker. “T-minus twenty seconds.”

“Remember, Commander,” General Organa started, taking her eyes off of me and leaning forward closer to the speaker. “you must not be seen. Take it easy.”

“Roger that, General,” Poe said, a hint of annoyance in his voice, the clicking of switches being flipped and buttons being pushed came through with his voice. “T-minus ten seconds.” My fists clenched tightly, unsure of what to expect when he arrived. Were they expecting him? Could they be ready and take down his ship at the very second he arrived out of hyperspace? My body stated trembling, that nasty sickness rising up in my stomach, the fear becoming overwhelming. “T-minus three, two, one...”

There was silence on his end of the speaker. My eyes started to well up, the fear making the trembling worse. I felt General Organa's eyes on me again, watching me carefully. Suddenly, I couldn't stay silent any longer. “Poe, are you there? What's going on, what do you see?” My voice wavered. I inched closer to the speaker, and General Organa's hand connected with mine, her palm warm against my own. I turned my head to look at her, a reassuring look settled in her eyes.

Then his voice came back. “Oh, hey, buddy,” Poe said softly. “I'm here, sorry, I'm just trying to watch what's going on here.” My body eased up, and I squeezed the General's hand, a small smile growing on my face. “But I'm here, I'm alright, bud.”

“Talk us through this, Poe, what do you see?” General Organa said sternly, her hand leaving mine to fold hers together in front of her.

“Honestly, it's just a ship,” he said plainly. “I see no traffic in or out. It really doesn't even look like the thing is in use.”

“Well I can tell you that the First Order never just does something for the hell of it, Poe,” I spoke up, leaning forward. “If it's there, it's there for a reason, so they have to be using it for something.”

He was quiet for another moment, everyone in the room looking around at each other. He spoke again, in apparent thought. “I'm trying to get as close as I can, but I really don't see-” There was a sudden cut of static, and then silence. The room suddenly went quiet, everyone staring at the speaker, waiting for something to come out of it. My heart felt like it dropped straight down into the pits of my stomach.

“Poe,” I said, staring straight at the speaker as if he would respond if I looked at it enough. “Poe, are you there? Poe!” General Organa stood up and immediately started pacing back and forth, a blank expression on her face. The other pilots in the room started to talk quietly amongst themselves, soft whispers and mutters filling the room. “Poe, please, if you can hear me, Poe!!” I was yelling at the speaker, frantic, my body shaking again. I whipped my head around to look at General Organa. “It was decoy, they knew we'd come to look at it, they must've shut down his ship and made him dock onto it,” I said desperately, eyes following her as she paced.

More static cut in from the speaker, and the entire room fell silent, everyone looking to the speaker yet again. Poe's voice came through over loud static. “Coming in from emergency back up power. They shut me down, they're docking my ship onto theirs. Can't get away. Shit-” And then there was more static, and then silence again.

“No,” I groaned, standing up quickly, throwing my hands over my face. “No, no, no, no.” My heart was racing in panic. “General, we have to do something, we have to get him-”

“We have to leave. They're going to find our base through him.” General Organa stopped pacing abruptly. She pointed to Jess, who stood up immediately. “Pava, take Finn and get out there. We can't lose him.” Jess nodded and jogged over to me, her face solemn. “As for everyone else, take what you can and head for the Carlac system. We already have a base in the works there.” The pilots in the room quickly got up and started bustling to the door. “Every bit of sensitive information must go with you!” General called out over the sudden noise of movement and muttering.

Jess grabbed my hand and pulled, but General Organa stopped us. “Finn, I want the three of you back alive, you hear me?”

I nodded, swallowing past the large knot that grew in my throat. “Yes, ma'am.” She nodded back, and then Jess pulled on my hand again, and I followed right behind her to the doors of the briefing room.

My mind raced as we made our way to the hangar. They had Poe, again, and I knew this time they would show no mercy for him. If Ren was on that ship, he'd kill Poe without any hesitation once he got the information he needed. I knew time was short, and we needed to get there as quickly as possible to make sure Poe came back in one piece. My heart ached, painfully, that overwhelming fear devouring my sanity. His life was in my hands again, and there was absolutely no room for any kind of mistake. I had to bring him back.

Jess grabbed her flight suit out of a locker and then sprinted towards a two-person x-wing, hopping into the cockpit, holding her hand out for me as I climbed up right behind her. I sat myself into the seat beside her, staring fearfully at all of the controls in front of me. “Don't worry,” she said, looking at me, “you won't have to use any of those. I got this.” I nodded as she started up the ship, flipping various switches and pressing all kinds of buttons. The cockpit glass came down to close over us, securing us in the ship. I grabbed at the seat belts to my right and hurriedly fastened them, hands trembling.

General Organa's voice sounded muffled through the cockpit glass as she announced over the whole base that evacuation was necessary. The hangar door opened slowly in front of us, and Jess grabbed the thrust, pulling on it, and started to move the ship out of the hangar and down the runway outside. I nervously clutched the sides of my seat. I had flown with Poe a couple of times, and I never liked it very much, even with the security of knowing he was the best pilot the Resistance had. I especially didn't like it now, considering how dire the situation was.

Jess pulled more on the thrust, and suddenly we were in the air, shooting towards the sky. I watched out the side windows as the colors of the sky changed quickly, from a brilliant bright blue, into darker and darker shades of blue until it turned completely black, white specks of stars and planets around us the only thing interrupting the darkness. “Going into hyperdrive”, Jess said, and then she pushed a button, and then everything blurred around us, our ship hurling through hyperspace.

I felt her hand graze against mine, and I turned my head to look at her. She looked at me with concern, her usually playful eyes looking somber and serious. “It'll be alright,” she said, her fingers wrapping around mine. “I know how you feel about him, and how he feels about you. We'll get him out of there okay.”

I nodded and blinked back the tears that wet my eyes. “We need a plan. We can't just go in there and grab him,” I croaked, the knot in my throat growing bigger and more painful.

“You know that ship better than I do.” She pulled her hand from mine and started to push more buttons on the console. “I'd hate to say it, but try to put yourself back there and think what it was like, what you'd expect.”

“No, you're right,” I said, shaking my head. “Um,” I paused to take a moment to think, then continued, “If we get close enough to dock, when we get in there, we'll be greeted by a trooper or two. I'll take them out and get into their armor. You're gonna have to tap into their systems and shut down any and all access into the dock so you stay safe. I'll go in, find where he is, and-”

“-Do what you did before.” She finished, looking at me with a small smile.

“Yeah. Just like before.”

“Just, no stealing a TIE fighter and crashing to Jakku.”

I smiled sadly. “Right, none of that this time.” As much as I hated Jakku, I would probably rather do a total repeat of the last time I saved Poe’s life just to have the certainty that I’d see him again.

“Sounds like a solid plan, though,” she said, “Should work just fine.” She started to pull a lever on the side of the console. “Coming out of hyperdrive, we'll be arriving in about thirty seconds.”

I nodded and tightened the grip on the bottom of my seat. The ship hurled to a stop, throwing my body forward against the seat belts. And then there was the ship, identical to the one I was stationed on for most of my time in the First Order. An indescribable anger started to rise in me, my jaw clenching, fists balling tighter. I didn't want to be back in there. I didn't want to see the same masks of the troopers, all exactly identical, all forbidden from showing any kind of individuality. I didn't want to smell the overwhelming disinfectant, hear the marching of the troops, see the colorless hallways and briefing rooms, see the troopers who had failed and were made to keep trying, keep failing, until they couldn't take anymore. I tightly closed my eyes, taking in a slow, deep breath. I wasn't a part of them anymore, and I never would be again.

“Hey,” Jess's soft voice pulled me out of my daze. “You can do this. I know you can.” I looked to her and met her eyes again. We were coming close to the ship, almost close enough to dock.

“Thank you,” I said, grabbing her hand and holding it. “I'm gonna do this.” She nodded and gave my hand a squeeze, and then the entire ship shut down, the lights cutting out, systems stalling. Through the darkness I saw her reach behind her seat, heard some rustling, and then she was thrusting something into my lap.

“You'll need that. It's my best blaster. Take care of it.”

“You bet.”

A door on the side of the Star Destroyer slowly opened, and our x-wing slowly inched closer to the opening, until we slid inside, and the door closed. Lights from above lit up the cockpit, and I looked at the blaster in my hands. It was different from what I had used in the First Order, but it was similar enough to understand. I grabbed the handle of the blaster and held it tightly. The only sound was the soft humming of the light above us, and our own breathing, Jess's was slow and steady, mine was shaky. Then, a loud clanging was heard, the sound of a door sliding open. Muffled sounds of voices coming from troopers came next, and heavy footsteps thudding closer to our ship. “I can't believe they'd be so stupid as to send out two ships,” I was able to make out what one of the troopers said.  
Suddenly, the cockpit glass opened. I looked to the side, waiting patiently. Footsteps getting louder as they clanged on the ladder leading up to the cockpit. Then, the helmet of a trooper popped up next to me. I placed the end of the blaster to his head.

“Hey.” Then I pulled the trigger, a blue laser hitting him straight in the forehead, his body falling to the ground below. I quickly stood up and shot at the other trooper as he pulled at his own blaster, getting him before he shot at me. They both lied crumpled on the ground, dark red blood leaking from their helmets. “Let's go, quick,” I said to Jess, and she was right with me, climbing down the ladder on the side of ship.

I pointed to a computer system on the other side of the room, and she ran over to it. “Use that to get into their systems,” I directed as I ran to one of the dead troopers and started to pull off his armor. He was one I had never seen before, a young man much like myself, but with pale skin and blonde hair. “As soon as I leave, shut down the doors to this room. I'll yell for you if we make it back.”

“ _When_ you make it back!” she yelled to me, her fingers furiously tapping on the keyboard in front of her. “I've got this good to go, just waiting for you.”

“Almost done,” I called out, pulling on the last of the unknown trooper's armor, and then picking up the helmet and pushing it over my head. It felt all too familiar to be back in this get up. I wiped the blood that ran down the side of the helmet away with the glove on my hand, and then jogged over to the door that led out of the dock, looking over to Jess. “As soon as I leave this room.”

“ _Go_.”

I nodded and opened the door, and when I walked out, I was surprised to see no one there. The door shut behind me, and then I heard a loud click, telling me that Jess had successfully infiltrated the ship's code and locked the doors. I looked around, empty hallways brightly lit by long white bulbs on the ceiling. Shiny black tile across the walls and the floor. Clenching my jaw underneath the helmet, I started to walk, trying to remember the layout of the ship I knew.

I reached a fork in the hallway. Turn right, and it goes to the head of the ship. Turn left, and it goes to trooper's quarters. I nodded and turned left, walking briskly down the hallway that was designed the same. Breathing heavily, I made it halfway down the hall before I stopped dead in my tracks. A small group of three troopers walked down from the other end, and turned down the hall, coming towards me. I willed myself to keep moving, keep moving my legs, to try to look normal. I noticed that the group slowed as they got closer to me. I tried to stifle my heavy breathing and tried to remain calm.

“FN-8203, I thought you were assigned to the dock to get the prisoners off that enemy ship?” one of the troopers asked me. Across the red-tinted visor that I looked through in the helmet, the words 'FN-7946' scrolled across when I looked at this trooper. I looked to the others, labeled as “FN-7885” and “FN-7776”.

I drew a breath and spoke, trying to make my voice sound deeper than it really was. “No, I was reassigned, was supposed to meet up with the Captain to deal with the other prisoner.” The three nodded. “I just got lost. I'm new to this ship.”

“Great, that's where we're headed. Come with us, then,” FN-7885 said, and I quickly joined their group, following them closely.

“I heard it's that really good pilot again, the one that escaped with FN-2187 before,” FN-7946 explained to the others. I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick all over this helmet.

“The one that stole the TIE fighter? Man, I'm glad we're assigned to execute him!” said FN-7776. My stomach dropped.

“FN-2187 is the one that needs to be executed, fuckin' traitor,” FN-7946 growled. The other two nodded and chimed in their agreements. I remained silent, walking slightly behind them, focusing on not falling to my knees and throwing up all over myself.

We made our way down to the other side of the hallway before the group came to a complete stop, and it took me a second to realize they had halted. I had almost trampled over the trooper in front of me, and I had to stumble backwards to make sure I didn't run into the back of him. I picked my head up and saw why we had come to a stop. Captain Phasma stood like a stone in front of us, towering over our group, her hand placed tightly on her blaster. I looked to my left; we were right in front of the interrogation room. Poe was in there.

“I need two of you. FN-7885, and-” Phasma said in her cold, metallic voice. She paused, her helmet pointing straight at me. “FN-8203. I thought you were assigned to the dock.”

“He says he was reassigned to this, Captain. The dock is under control,” said FN-7946. I nodded, the anger that rose like a hot, burning bile in the back of my throat was too strong for me to try to speak.

“Good. FN-8203, come with me. It's time to execute this prisoner.”

Phasma placed her hand on the plate on the wall, touching a dial. The door for the interrogation room hissed open, and I followed Phasma and FN-7885 inside. My breath hitched in the back of my throat, and I couldn't help the tears that immediately formed in my eyes from what we were greeted with when we walked in the room. I let my hand fall to my blaster and I gripped it tightly, tears rolling down my warm cheeks. The door hissed shut behind us. I couldn’t tear my wet eyes away from the crumpled figure in the chair.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first fic in a long long time. I apologize for any errors, I didn't have any beta readers. You can follow me on tumblr at http://www.makeyoutuckyourtailbelowya.tumblr.com. thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy!

_Two kids, frolicking in the forest, hiding behind trees and popping out when the other passed, scaring one another. Beautiful blue skies. Light breeze. Radiant sunshine._

_"It's hide and 'Poe' seek! Get it! I hide, and you find me, Poe!" A girl with long, braided, brown hair laughs, running away from a boy wearing a pilot’s helmet too big for his head._

_Everything goes black, but then a scene full of flames and bodies scattered on the ground comes into view. The same children are back, just a little older. Figures in shiny white and black armor are dragging the girl away, one at each of her arms._

_"Poe!!" She screams, desperately, tears rolling freely down her flushed cheeks, her once neatly braided hair now disheveled. "Poe, help me, please!!" Her screams are ear piercing, the armored figures grab her tighter, pulling her away. The boy was frozen on the spot, watching, terrified, from behind a large tree. He couldn't save her, otherwise he would go, too. Tears welled in his eyes as the girl was dragged up the ramp of a ship. The ramp closed once they got inside, and then with a large gust of air, the ship flew up and shot out of sight._

_The boy stared, frightened, at the mass of lifeless bodies that lay in front of him._

_The scene dissolved again, but another billowed into view. The boy was now a few years older, his black hair longer and curly, sitting in the cockpit of an x-wing. He excitedly grabbed at the thrust and pulled up, making noises with his mouth as if he was firing blasters and laser canons. A woman of small stature walked up next to the ship, grinning at the boy in the cockpit. Her bright orange jumpsuit swished as she reached her arms up to the open cockpit._

_"Poe, honey," she spoke softly, "mommy's gotta go, it's time to get out."_

_"No! Mom, I gotta blast the TIE fighter, they're right on the millennium falcon! Luke Skywalker needs help! Pew pew pew, pew!" The boy continued making noises, jamming his small thumbs into the buttons on the throttle. The woman smiled fondly as she climbed up the ladder, reaching for the boy in the cockpit……_

"How sweet."

The low, metallic tone broke through the deafening silence in the room. There was no emotion to his voice, nor did he mean there to be any. 

"That girl didn't make it very far. She was a waste. Got killed in her first day of combat."

"Thanks for letting me know," I spat, taking in deep breaths, trying to steady myself. I felt beads of sweat slowly roll down my face, despite the familiar cold of the metal chair that was chilling my skin. It was no good use, but I continued to pull on the cuffs that were snapped tightly around my wrists, plastering them down to the chair. 

"You're being quite the waste to me right now. Unless you can tell me where he is." His black figure stood up, towering over me. The silver mask that covered his entire face glinted beneath the low light of the chamber. He held out his black-gloved hand once more, almost as if he was ready to grab my throat. Instead, I felt a wave of lightheadedness ripple through my mind, and I closed my eyes again. I had been here before, I knew what to expect. I shut my mind out, thinking of absolutely nothing. 

"I won't tell you where he is. You'll have to kill me first," I snarled through tightly gritted teeth. Suddenly my head felt clear, and then an invisible force wrapped itself tightly around my throat. I sputtered a curse, struggling to take in a breath, but my airway was completely constricted. I started trembling, glaring at his outstretched hand that was inches away from my neck, not touching me at all.

"If you keep resisting, it might have to come to that." The force quickly pulled me forward, its grip tightening around my throat. “Since I didn’t get to the last time you were here.” His wrist curled slightly, his fingers bending, wrapping around nothing but air. I choked, tears welling in my eyes, my face starting to feel numb. And then with a loud bang, my back was thrown against the chair, my head snapping and crashing into the cool, hard metal, the pressure on my throat relieved. I gulped in a gasp of air, filling my lungs, wincing at the sharp pain in the back of my head. I couldn't tell if the warm liquid rolling down my neck was sweat or my own blood.

"Let's try again. Where is FN-2187?"

The lightheadedness returned, this time stronger, and I grunted as the man entered my thoughts again...

_A quiet briefing room, an older woman and a young man sitting across from each other at a long meeting table. The young man has his head in his hands, sorrowful. The woman was gazing into him, waiting patiently._

_"I just thought it was the right thing to do", the young man spoke gently, pulling his head out of his hands and looking to the woman. “For the Republic. For Muran.”_

_"It was the right thing to do. Which is why I brought you here." The woman stood up, starting to pace back and forth in front of the table. "I want you to join the Resistance, Poe. If you do, I can wipe this off your record with the Republic." She turned her head to look at the man, still pacing, her eyes following him as she walked. "Like it never even happened."_

_"What about the others, the rest of my Rogue?"_

_"We could use them too," said the woman without hesitation._

_Black swallowed the scene, then it opened again to reveal the small boy from before, sitting between the legs of the woman pilot, cramped inside the cockpit of an x-wing. The boy had an expression of pure joy on his face. His small fingers were wrapped tightly around the hands of the woman, shadowing her movements as she piloted the ship._

_"Ready, honey?" The woman chimed excitedly._

_The boys smile grew somehow bigger, his body bouncing on the edge of the seat. "Yea yea yea!!" He yelled, gripping the woman's hands tighter. The woman grinned underneath her helmet, then grabbed the thrust and pulled it straight forward, the x-wing hurling up towards the stars. It went up, up, and up, and then the woman jerked the thrust to the left, sending the ship into a controlled spiral._

_The boy yelled excitedly, the woman looking down at the boy, smiling fondly._

_The scene was enveloped in black once more, and a bright light burst through. A new setting, a medbay. The boy was now a teenager, his hair to his shoulders, his tan skin looking pale. An older man sat next to the boy, both sitting in chairs. The woman lay on a bed, covered to her shoulders with blankets, machines all around her, droids bustled to and from the bed with different objects, all chirping and beeping loudly._

_The boys hand held the woman's tightly. "Mom," he whispered, sadly, "please." Tears brimmed his thick eyelashes again. The man next to him draped his arm over the boy’s shoulders. A large droid wheeled itself over to the boy, and it beeped sadly. "Well isn't there anything you could do?" The boy yelled at the droid, the tears falling to his cheeks, rolling down his thin face. The droid chirped angrily and quickly rolled off._

_The woman lay still and silent, her eyes closed. Another droid rolled slowly over to the boy and the man, cooing sadly. The man hung his head, tears rolling down his own face. The boy shook his head in disbelief. "She can't be dead, please, check again!" He ordered at the droid. The droid didn't move. It stood still, it's lights fading in and out slowly. It cooed once again, sounding somber. The boy broke down, his hands leaving the woman's to cover his face as he sobbed, his tears rolling down his face and dripping to the tile floor below them......_

"Stop it." 

I shook with anger as I gained control again, my eyes feeling wet. I pulled on the restraints, desperately trying to free myself. "Please, fucking stop it." 

"Is this upsetting you?" The man asked as he paced back and forth in front of the chair. Again, he had no emotion in his voice.

"Fuck you," I growled, smelling blood and knowing it was coming from the back of my head. "If you don't let me go I-"

The invisible hand grabbed hold of my throat again, tighter than last time, cutting off my words. My body tremored in the chair, teeth gritting in pain, eyes squeezed shut. 

"You'll what?" He hissed as I felt him inch closer to me. I could only emit a tiny, pathetic whimper, my head feeling like it was going to burst. My face was going numb again, and I felt myself slipping out of consciousness until something hard slammed against my face, the grip on my throat releasing at the same time. I gulped in more air as my head hung low, throbbing in pain. I tasted my own blood in my mouth.

Coughing, I slowly picked my head up to look at the man in front of me. He stood still, one hand made into a tight fist, the other gripping a weapon on his side. "Where. Is. FN-2187.”

I choked out a laugh, a nasty smirk curling my bloody lips. "I'm sorry, buddy," I sputtered, "I don’t know who that is. His name is _Finn_.”

The hand that rested on the weapon snapped, an electric noise cutting through the silence, and I was face to face with the end of a burning hot, scarlet lightsaber. I could see the man trembling past the bright light of the saber. He continued to inch the light closer to my face, the heat licking against my skin, a low hum emitting from the weapon. I, too, started to tremble, still pulling on the tight cuffs, fighting against them with all the strength I had. The very edge of the lightsaber touched my temple, sizzling when it hit sweat, and I cried out, piercing pain ripping through my head. I tried tossing my head away from the saber, but he pressed it forward, letting it burn me again.

An earsplitting scream ripped from my throat, my body thrashing in the restraints, not going anywhere. "PLEASE, STOP," I yelled, my skin burning. Suddenly I didn't feel the searing pain anymore, and I was light headed again....

_Smooth dark skin against dirty, rough, tan skin. Hot breath, hands desperately grasping, pulling, touching. Soft moans, deep kisses, grinding hips, intense feelings of pleasure._

_The palm of a hand that was covered in grease and oil planted itself on the cockpit window of an x-wing, staining the glass with black. Inside the x-wing, two men were intertwined with each other, one sitting in the seat of the ship, wearing dirty orange pants, his white tank hanging over the headrest, chest bare and glistening with sweat. The other was straddling the man in the seat, a plain black shirt being lifted from his torso by the man sitting in the pilot’s seat._

_“Finn,” the man in the seat breathed over and over, hastily, the dark skinned man on top of him pressing his lips to the pilot’s neck, nipping at his collar bone._

_“I love when you get dirty from working on your ship,” the man on top groaned, allowing his shirt to be lifted over his head, a pink scar running diagonally over the defined muscles in his back. “So hot,” he panted before crashing his lips into the other man’s again._

_The scene faded away, then a bright, sunny setting came into view. The two men lay side-by-side in a field, both propped up on their elbows. Finn watched the pilot absentmindedly pluck at strands of grass, roll them up into balls and then toss them to the side. Finn’s face looked worried. He slowly rolled over to his side so he was closer to the pilot, his arm draping over the pilot’s chest._

_“It’ll be fine,” Finn said, trying to sound reassuring. “They won’t find me here on D’Qar. It’s in the outer rim. It’s out of detection.”_

_The pilot sighed heavily. “You say that, but I still worry.” He looked over to Finn, meeting his eyes, lowering himself to the ground and then rolling on his side as well, facing him. “I love you, bud,” he said, his hand reaching up to cup Finn’s face, thumb brushing over a scar on his cheek._

_Finn smiled, grabbing the pilot’s wrist and bringing the back of his hand to his own lips. “Love you, too. I’m not going anywhere.….”_

He pulled himself out of my head, still inches away from my face. The lightsaber had been put away. Blood was running from the burn on my temple down the side of my face, mixing with the beads of sweat that continued to come from my pores. Weak and exhausted, I watched him with my eyes barely open, tears flowing down my cheeks, my breaths slow and steady. 

"No,” I croaked, “no, no, no.” I shook my head slowly, my teeth gritted. I just gave Finn up to the enemy. I could’ve prevented it, I could’ve locked him out. But I gave in. It was my fault. I felt the strongest sensation of guilt wash over me, my stomach turning, feeling like I was going to be sick. Not only did they know where Finn was, they now knew where the entire Resistance base resided.

He remained silent, his head turned, the mask covering his face making me unsure if he was looking straight ahead at the wall or if he may have been looking somewhere else. He moved then, slowly, turning and taking small steps to the door. He brought his wrist up, right to his face, a watch device on his wrist just inches away from where his mouth would be.

"General Hux."

There was a short pause, and then a nasal-y voice came through his watch. "Yes, sir."

"Alert your troops that FN-2187 is on the planet of D’Qar, outer rim, on the Resistance base. I want him brought back alive.”

"I'm on it, sir," the nasal-y voice said again, followed by a cut of static, then silence.

The man slowly turned toward me, his boots thudding on the floor as he started taking slow steps. He stopped only when his platinum mask was inches from my nose again, and I could hear him breathing.

“Please,” I begged, looking up at him, gazing straight into the holes in the mask where his eyes would be, “don’t kill him. He’s a great man, an even better fighter.” I almost choked on the words that followed next, not wanting to say them but knowing that they may be my only chance of saving Finn. “He could be very helpful to you, again.”

"I have no mercy for traitors.” His metallic voice was as cold as ever. My blood felt like it started to boil at his words, my body becoming rigid. “I ask for him to come back alive so I can punish him for turning his back on the First Order. He can never be helpful to us again.” He backed away from me, turning again and heading towards the door.

“You accuse him of being a traitor? That’s exactly what you are,” I spat, anger rising in my chest. “You betrayed your family. You betrayed everything you knew.” He had stopped in his tracks, the venom in my voice freezing him in his spot. “You’re the biggest fucking traitor there is. Don’t forget that.”

He stood still at the door for a moment before turning to face me again. He outstretched his hand, that invisible force sending my head smashing into the back of the chair again, making me cry out in agony. Then it was around my throat again, strangling me, my body convulsing in the restraints, my lungs burning. He took three large strides, and then he was right over me again. He pulled back his free fist and punched my face, two, three, four times. I felt myself slipping out of consciousness again, and finally, I didn’t care. If he was going to find Finn and capture him, there was no use for me to be alive. If he would be killed by the First Order, then I should be, too.

He let the force on my throat go and I flooded my lungs with air, coughing again. That sharp electric noise cut through once more, and without warning, the side of my face was suddenly blistering, the lightsaber cutting through my skin, leaving a wide gash across my face. I screamed out, feeling the blood pour from the gash. I tried to shove my face into my shoulder so my shirt could soak up whatever blood it could. My mind was spinning, so fast that I didn’t even notice that the man had left until I heard the door hissing shut behind him. 

And then I was alone. Beaten, bloody, terrified, and alone. My head drooped onto my own shoulder, the sleeve of my shirt starting to feel warm and sticky against my skin from the blood that was soaking into the cloth. Sobs racked through my body. The tears that poured over my thick eyelashes and down to the gash on my cheek burned the open flesh even more. Somehow, with all this physical pain, none of it felt as horrible as the throbbing pain in my chest, the pain from knowing they would find Finn, and from the uncertainty of if I would ever see his shining, beautiful face ever again. 

I was certain I would die here, either by laying in this chair for so long I die of dehydration or hunger, or by execution. I couldn’t help but think I deserved to die. I ratted out the Resistance’s location, put everyone in immediate danger. Soon, the First Order would find the map to Skywalker they so desired, and they would have both Luke and Rey. The dark side would win, and I let it happen. I was supposed to be the Resistance’s best man, their most trustworthy asset. But from the moment the First Order detected my ship on this solo mission and forced me to dock onto theirs, I gave up that title.

Closing my eyes, I tried to see Finn’s face in my head, tried to bring myself some sort of comfort. I remembered him the day he awoke in the base medbay, his soft eyes meeting mine, our hands tied together. I remembered the look of utter relief on his face when I told him that I had feelings for him, too, that he wasn’t alone in that (and I remembered that incredible first kiss, his lips so soft and full on mine, his little moans of pleasure replaying in my head). I remembered watching him collapse onto my chest, tears rolling down his beautiful face; our first time making love, and he swears he had never cried from happiness, until that moment, because it made him feel so fucking good. I remembered kissing the tears off his face and whispering in his ear that I had never felt anything that fucking good, either.

A warming sensation filled my heart as I remembered his long fingers entwining in my thick curls in the early morning, his sleepy voice murmuring in my ear that it was time to wake up, and how I’d casually roll over and plant a kiss right to his forehead, and listen to him giggle. I remembered the night we tried to watch a holovid in my quarters, and BB-8 turned off the vid after getting so fed up with us not actually watching, but just kissing each other everywhere instead (and the next morning when BB-8 got quite sassy with me about it, and I had to reassure my droid that it was not being replaced by Finn).

I let these memories play in my throbbing, dizzy head, a small smile making its way to my bloodied lips. I loved Finn. He was my everything, and I was one-hundred percent prepared to die if he was going to, just for the off chance that I would maybe get to be with him again, in an afterlife. 

I choked back another sob, my eyes stinging from all the tears that had left them. My sleeve was so soaked in my own blood that I could see the bottom of it dripping, a small puddle starting to gather on the floor below me. Maybe I’d bleed out before they could execute me, I thought, hopefully, but as the door hissed open once more, I cursed at myself for thinking that, as that Phasma girl and two Stormtroopers at her side marched in, standing directly in front of me. 

The door hissed shut. My heavy, tired eyes scanned over the three figures who remained silent, their faceless masks pointing directly at me. “I’d appreciate it if you’d just get it over with,” I mumbled lazily, my words slurring from my cheek still being pressed into my shoulder. “I’m making quite a mess of this room.” I nodded to the floor where my blood continued to puddle.

“On my command,” the cold, heartless female voice of Phasma said, her special fucking shiny chrome armor not budging an inch. I let my cuffed hands ball into fists. Finn had told me so many things about this asshole, my blood boiled at the sight of her. 

I closed my eyes and let a wicked smile come across my face. It brought me so much joy that my Finn, _my Finn_ , did so much to escape this place, and found the good in him and brought himself to me. If I was going to die knowing anything, I was going to die knowing that I was loved by one of the most courageous men I’ve ever known, and that was one of the best gifts I could’ve ever received. 

“Fire.”

With my eyes closed, I heard shots fired from blasters. I heard armor clanking to the floor. I heard heavy breathing, a helmet dropping to the ground, so many things were happening around me all at once but none of them were happening to me. Footsteps padding quickly, getting louder, coming towards me. Maybe now I would die? But, no. Hands, warm hands, on either side of my face, soft lips pressed against my forehead-

I cracked open one eye, and I was met with that beautiful face, those gorgeous, sparkling eyes, that perfect dark skin, stained with tears. Did I die already and I just didn’t know? Did they kill him already, too? Was an afterlife a real thing, was this our way of reuniting after death? My wrists were still cuffed to the chair. My head continued to throb painfully. That gash on my face stung as his fingers gently touched it.

“Poe,” he whispered sadly, his forehead resting against mine, tips of our noses grazing together softly. “What the fuck did he do to you?” His voice tremored with anger, his eyes frantically searching in mine.

“Where did you come from?” I asked, my words slurring, my entire body feeling like it was spinning very quickly. I blinked slowly, realizing that I was losing focus, those sharp, dark eyes of his becoming blurry. He cursed under his breath and ran behind the chair. I heard him fire a blaster at the wall, a loud bang and some electrical hissing coming from behind me. The cuffs on my ankles and on my wrist suddenly retracted, and I gradually started to slide down the chair, my body limp, too weak to try to move and support myself. 

I felt his arms wrap around my body, one under my legs and one under my shoulders. He lifted me and carried me to the door, where I saw Phasma and the other Stormtrooper laying motionless on the ground. Was this another rescue? Was Finn saving my life again? Everything was spinning, everything was blurred, I heard the door open and I could see that I was being carried into an area with bright lights. I felt warm, the cold metal was no longer pressing into my skin but instead I felt Finn’s body, although it was underneath Stormtrooper gear, the natural heat radiating through the armor.

“Finn,” I groaned, trying to look up at him and focus on his face. “How are we gonna get out of here? I’m in no shape to fly a ship.” He was walking quickly. I could make out windows passing by, the dark abyss of space on the other side of them. 

“Don’t worry, babe,” Finn said gruffly, “this time I brought a pilot with me.” 

I don’t remember much else, other than seeing Finn smile at his own words. Everything spun too fast and eventually I had to close my eyes to stop the dizziness. I heard Finn yell out a name, his foot kicking a door. The door opened, and then closed behind him. I felt myself being transferred into someone else’s arms, a familiar female voice saying “holy shit, what did they do to him?”. I felt myself sitting on someone’s lap, leaning back into their chest, arms wrapped tightly around me, cloth dabbing at the gash in my face, burning. And then I couldn’t feel anything, everything going black and silent. 

***

I woke up to a pressure on my hand, someone tightly squeezing my fingers, a thumb brushing over my knuckles. My sore eyes fluttered open, squinting to adjust to the blinding light above me. My hand got squeezed tighter when I tried to move my head to the side, attempting to see anything I could. I couldn’t make out much, just blurred figures, standing or sitting around me. I closed my eyes for a moment, racking my brain to try to think of where I could be. What happened? How did I get here? Who was with me? It didn’t take long before images of Kylo Ren, his lightsaber, and my own blood started to flash in my head. 

_The Resistance._

My eyes shot open and I quickly tossed my head to the side, then winced at the throbbing pain that caused me. Someone shushed me and ran their fingers through my hair, a warm pair of lips pressed against my forehead.

_Finn._

I croaked out his name. My hand left my chest and reached out, my fingers finding soft, smooth skin, skin that I loved touching. “Finn,” I said again, louder, blinking my way through the blur, his face finally starting to come into focus.

“It’s alright, Poe,” I heard him say, softly, “we’re okay, everyone’s okay.” I saw him smile, those pretty lips curled in just the slightest way. I wished I could kiss him then, lean up and crash my lips into his, taste him, and pull him into my arms so I could hold him as long as I needed. I could barely move my arm, though, let alone my whole body. 

“What happened? The Resistance, they have to get out, he got it out of me-“

“We were able to successfully relocate in time, Poe.” That firm, yet gentle voice I knew belonged to no other than the General herself. I tore my eyes away from Finn and slowly turned my head to the other side of the bed, and there she stood. No smile on her aged face, her arms crossed, her stern eyes watched me intently. “Lucky for us, we’ve had another base in the works, the Carlac system. We relocated as soon as you transmitted to us on the back-up power.”

My stomach twisted with guilt. “General, I’m so sorry, it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have-“ 

“You don’t have to apologize,” she talked over me again, cutting me off. “It was near time for us to relocate anyways. When they made it to D’Qar, they found nothing but a few X-wings and an empty base.” She uncrossed her arms and placed one hand on my shoulder. “You did good, Poe. Everything you could’ve done, you did.” Her hand gave my shoulder a squeeze, a small smile breaking the stern look on her face. “You came back alive. That’s all that matters now.”

I nodded, glancing at the other Resistance pilots that stood around the bed I lay on, all smiling and nodding at me. My eyes found Finn again, who was looking away, gazing at nothing, looking tired. I gave his hand a squeeze and he whipped his head towards me, his eyes meeting mine, a look of sadness lingering on his face. I looked around the room again. “Hey, guys, thanks for being here, really, but uh,” I said, glancing at Finn, “do you mind giving us a moment alone, please?”

The pilots in the room made little jokes about Finn and I being love-birds as they turned and walked away, laughing. Jess stood in the back of the group, but came close to the bed once all the pilots left the room. General Organa stuck around as well, taking her hand off of my shoulder to cross her arms over her chest again.

“You’re lucky you made it out alive, Dameron.”

“Yes, General, I know.” I ashamedly looked away from her, feeling like a child that was getting scolded by their mother.

“You’re also very lucky to have these two on your side; one who’s strong-willed enough to fly an x-wing into a First Order ship and wait for you to come back,” she nodded over to Jess, and it registered to me then that she must’ve been the ‘pilot’ Finn spoke of earlier. I grinned at her, and she gave a warm smile in return. “And one who loves you enough to revisit the place he escaped from to save your ass. For a second time.” I looked to Finn, tears welling up in his eyes, a look of fear and pain plastered on his face. I frowned, squeezing his hand again.

“Glad to have you back, Commander,” Jess said with a smile.

General Organa looked at Jess and cocked her head towards the door, and the pair walked out of the room, leaving Finn and I alone. I looked at him, my eyes searching his face, but he wouldn’t look at me again. He looked almost traumatized; his eyes glazed over, his body tense, an emotionless look on his face. Carefully, I reached my hand up and cupped his face, thumb grazing over his cheek bone. “Finn, talk to me,” I said softly, “what’s going on?”

Finn’s chest rose and then fell as he sighed deeply, lowering his head and resting it on the blankets that covered my chest. I rested my hand against the back of his neck, gently playing with the soft hair that lead up to his hairline. “I never wanted to go back,” he murmured into the blankets. “I had to go, for you. And I’m the one that knows the First Order best.” His voice started to sound thick, and I knew he was on the verge of tears. “And then I had to pretend that I was one of the Stormtroopers that was going to kill you. To see you like that, so hurt, so willing to die…” He choked on a sob, I felt his hand grab onto the blanket, balling into a tight fist. “And I didn’t even know if my plan was going to work!” he cried out, openly sobbing, and I could see the blanket getting wet with his tears.

“They could’ve shot early, and then I would’ve had to watch you d-“. He couldn’t finish the sentence. Biting my lip to try to hold back my own tears, I tried to move over to the other side of the bed as carefully as possible without hurting myself. I grabbed his hand and gave it a little tug, signaling to him that I wanted him up on the bed with me. He picked his head up off my chest and gradually climbed up next to me. I wrapped my arm around him, bringing him close to me, his wet face nuzzling into my neck. 

“It’s okay,” I whispered thickly, my own throat feeling tight from trying not to cry. “you did it, and you did a damn good job, Finn. I’m here, and you’re here with me, and we’re both okay.” I pressed my dry, swollen lips to the top of his head. His arms wrapped around me, gentle enough to not hurt my sore, aching body any more. “I love you, buddy.”

“Why did you look so…so okay with dying?” he asked, voice cracking, his hot breath warming my skin.

I sighed heavily and pressed another kiss to the top of his head. “Because I thought they had you. He accessed my memories, found out where you and the rest of the Resistance were. Told his troops to dispatch there and find you, bring you back alive so Ren himself could kill you.” My own voice was cracking, and I knew I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. They started to burn the corners of my eyes, and I tried to blink them away. “I figured if you were going to die, I would go with you.”

His body started to shake with sobs, and I wrapped my arms around him tighter, pulling him closer. “But it’s okay, sweetheart, because we’re both here together. We don’t have to worry about that anymore,” I muttered, placing little kisses all over his head, feeling a couple of tears roll down my cheeks. 

Finn and I lied there for a while, in each other’s arms, not saying a word, the occasional soft sob was the only thing that broke our silence. I felt guilty, more now than ever, because I made him come back to his hell just to rescue my clumsy ass. I promised Finn early on that I would never do anything to hurt him, but I felt like I just had. My heart ached for him; he never did anything like this to me. He didn’t deserve such a reckless fucker like myself. He deserved so much more. 

My hand leisurely rubbed up and down his back, feeling his tight muscles underneath his thin shirt. He hummed softly at my touch and nuzzled closer into my neck. His lips pressed into the stubbly skin right underneath my jawline, and I moved my head up to give him more skin to kiss. He did just that, gently placing his lips against every inch of my jaw. I closed my eyes and let a soft moan escape my lips, and then he picked his head up to be level with me, pressing his lips into mine. I hummed into his kisses, our mouths finding a rhythm with each other’s, hands grabbing on to each other, trying to touch anywhere we could. His tongue grazed along my bottom lip and I let my tongue slide through, touching his. He grabbed at the blankets covering my chest and pulled them down slightly, his fingertips brushing over my skin. I gasped softly, my lips leaving his, my eyes closing at his touch, goosebumps forming on my skin.

He pulled back, but only slightly, the tip of his nose grazing against mine. He brought his hands up to my face, his thumb carefully resting on the semi-closed-up gash on my right cheek that was still damp with bactagel.

“Poe,” he whispered breathlessly, “I love you, too. So much.” His beautiful, sincere eyes gazed into mine, still shining with tears. “But please don’t do anything like this again. This hurt too much. I don’t think I could do it again.”

I nodded slowly, a small smile spreading on my lips. “You know, having to wait three days for you to wake up hurt me just as much.” His eyes closed and he pressed his forehead to mine, frowning. I leaned up and gently kissed his soft lips, letting the kiss linger for a moment before pulling away just enough to create the tiniest space between us. “How about we both promise not to get ourselves in any more trouble, okay?” I whispered into his lips, kissing them one last time before I pulled away. 

“Okay.” He opened his eyes and finally, a smile came across his face. I smiled back at him, resting my head back on my pillow. He started to get up, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, saying, “You should get some rest, you went through a lot, you need to sleep”, but I frantically grabbed at his wrists, pulling on them to bring him back next to me.

“No, no, no, no,” I pleaded, giggling, “stay with me. Please?” Finn gave me an indulgent grin and settled in next to me again, his head on my shoulder, looking up at me. I pressed another kiss to the top of his head, squeezing his hand tighter. “You’re so brave. And you did so good, bud.” I let my other hand trail over his neck, fingertips lightly brushing against his skin, causing him to shiver, goosebumps erupting over the surface of his smooth skin. “Thank you, Finn.”

He took a hold of my hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “General Organa was right – you are very lucky that I love you enough to save you for a second time.” I felt him smile against my hand, and I laughed, pulling him in closer to me. 

“I am very lucky,” I muttered into his hair, “and I wouldn’t change it for the world.” I yawned and closed my eyes, leaning my head back to the pillow again. 

“I told you, you need to rest,” Finn said, shifting slightly against me like he was thinking about getting up again. I wrapped my arms around him tighter, making sure he wouldn’t go anywhere.

“You need to rest, too, buddy. Let’s just take a nap together,” I yawned again. 

“The medi-staff won’t be too happy about that, though,” he said, discouragingly. 

“I don’t care, I care about you and I getting the rest we deserve,” I laughed, my hand stroking his back again. “Think of it this way, that’s one extra bed they can give to someone else, right?”

Finn giggled, nestling himself against my side. “I guess you’re right. They’ll just have to deal with us, then.” He yawned as well, and I laughed with him, my head feeling heavy from drowsiness. I closed my eyes and let myself drift off, not feeling or hearing anything other than Finn holding my hand and muttering, sleepily, “I love you, Poe.” The two of us fell into a well-needed sleep, his arms wrapped around me, his head on my shoulder; we were both right where we belonged – with each other.


End file.
